Day 2

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

Well let me preface this by saying that my I've been able to conquer my fears a lot better in the last year!  I first got depression which manifested itself mostly through anxiety soon after I was married.  That anxiety was increased tenfold after we got our house broken into while we were living in Maryland.  I literally lived in fear for awhile.  Nights were the worst, I couldn't sleep, I hardly could even function.  I slept with a gun by my bed and there were numerous occasions I swore someone was in our house and made Eric search the whole place with his gun.  I sat in the house and sometimes would just sit as still as I could because I was scared if I watched TV or turned on music, I wouldn't be able to hear someone enter my house.  Sounds physcho right?  At nights I even had 911 dialed on my phone with my thumb on it just in case someone broke in.  Well, finally I went to the doctor and got on some medicine.  I had forgotten what it was like to be my normal self.  Life completely and absolutely changed.  I have such an appreciation and gratitude for modern medicine and doctors. 

I felt like a fog was lifted after I started taking the medicine.... but couldn't be on it long because we were planning on having another baby.  It's been more than a year since I've taken medication and I feel sooo great!  I have moments when I feel a little anxiety creep in but I can get rid of all of it by eating well, and getting enough sleep!  I'm just genetically prone to getting depression but I know that the knowledge I have of what it feels like is power to me.  Anyway, on to my Day 2 question.

#1. The idea that if something happened to our family, I wouldn't be able to save them all.  Like if there was a fire in our house, and I couln't get everyone out.  Or if there was a natural disaster and we weren't prepared enough.  Or if our car fell off a bridge, that I wouldn't be able to save everyone.  I don't know how I came to fear that so much.... just starting a family of my own and wanting to protect everyone I guess. 

#2. Not being a good enough mom.  My kids are everything to me and I want them to turn out alright.  Ya know.  I especially get scared on those days that I'm sleep deprived, everyone's crying ALL. DAY. LONG and Eric has long hours...... I wish I was perfectly patient, and 100% on all the time and that's why I'm scared sometimes.  But deep down, i know that as long as I do my best, everything will be alright. 

#3. Talking on the phone..... not a fear fear... but it just makes me really anxious.  I just don't enjoy it at all.  Interesting enough, I love talking to my family on the phone.... but no one else.... sorry everyone.  I love talking in person and I really am working on being better at answering my phone and calling back people despite my phone fears! haha.

Let me just end by saying that I really am not scared of too much as I reflected which is a change for me that I'm so grateful for!!!!  And I knwo the things that I am scared about can become better and I can conquer them.  I'm soooo grateful for the power of prayer and never feeling alone.  I know that the Lord is always watching over us and when I'm feeling down or scared of anything He will be there to comfort me!!